Jessica Gottlieb

I am not (often) a narcissist

Archive for the ‘family life’ Category

Dear Mary Jane

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Thanks for all the fun.


Written by Jessica Gottlieb

January 2, 2009 at 3:00 pm

Overheard at Chanukkah Last Night

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DAD: So Morgan is telling me you write stuff I’m not supposed to read.

ME: No, you can totally read it, it’s just heavy on the V word

DAD: Huh?

ME: Vagina

Read the rest of this entry »

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 22, 2008 at 9:20 am

Adolf Redux

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As I lay in bed this morning I felt little feet and soft skin pressed against my calves, and some not so quiet whispering.

“But Dad, won’t you ground me?” Alexander asked.

“No, I’ll buy you a present.” There was a long pause while my boys both let the news sink in. “If you ever have another boy say anything bad about your sister to her your face I want you to punch him as had as you can, right in his face. Got it? Then you come home and tell me and I’ll buy you a present.” My husband asserted to our little one.

“Okay, so you’ll buy me a present after I’m grounded?” Alexander sounded confused.

“No son. I won’t ground you, there are two times you get to hit first. If someone says anything bad about Jews and if a boy says something bad about your sister to you. Then you punch them and you get a present.”

I couldn’t agree, and I couldn’t disagree so I laid in bed listening to what fathers tell their sons when mothers aren’t listening.

Our boy is named Alexander after my Grandfather Adolf who flirted with death by telling the guards at Sachsenhausen that he had worked and should now be free. He was the meanest, toughest, scrappiest man I’ve ever met and I’m thinking he’s delighted by my son and my husband today.

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 20, 2008 at 9:57 am

My Mom

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Check out ECP today. I’m so glad to be her daughter.

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 18, 2008 at 9:31 am

Would You Rather?

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Hear about my mother’s latest dog psychic (not to be confused with her first few), the time I tattooed Jane or Stella’s beachfront property in the Rocky Mountains?

In order to appreciate any of these stories fully, you should be open to the use of recreational narcotics. (and I say that without judgement)

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 7, 2008 at 12:01 am

Symbiosis: Why Marriage Works

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Symbiosis is when two different organisms live together in the same environment and each needs the other. Some relationships facilitate one another, other relationships obligate.

Ours does both.

At 38 I’ve noticed that it’s time to wax the lip. My darling husband, on the flip side, can’t see a thing. He squints at me and says, “What hair?” I give him an weird are you blind look, he says, “buy me some reading glasses”. I say I will, but never do.

Symbiosis, he’s blind, I’m hairy, we’re in love.

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 4, 2008 at 8:17 am

The Benefit of Being a Lawyer’s Daughter

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Even in second grade I knew to never put anything in writing.

love-notebmpIn case you’re having a hard time reading this it says:

I love you
I am a girl
I am at the front table

It was handed to Alexander* from Laura who got it from Liz who got it from someone who won’t tell (but sits at the front table). Alexander promptly handed the note to his sister who screamed and enlisted the help of her classmates. Jane* and a gaggle of 4th grade girls were busy collecting writing samples from unsuspecting 2nd grade girls when I picked the kids up from school today.

There’s a theory in my house that it’s the little girl with the sequin belt. I don’t know who it is, but I know she’s one smart cookie.

*Alexander is 7 in 2nd grade, Jane is 10 and in the 4th.

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 3, 2008 at 12:01 am