Jessica Gottlieb

I am not (often) a narcissist

Posts Tagged ‘family life

It’s Good to be the X-Mas Jew

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If you’re a Jew you intrinsically know the import of the Shabbat Goy. The Shabbat Goy buys your dog for a dollar and a handshake so that it can continue living in your home and eating traif. The Shabbat Goy, for another dollar, will buy all your Chametz before Pesach and sell it back to you at the end for the same dollar. The Shabbat Goy is an integral part of every Shul, and spoken about with a grin in every Jewish home. We are people of the book, and we love taking notes in the margins.

This week, I find myself loving the role of the X-Mas Jew. I wander from home to home bringing a bit of cheer and no expectations. None. I waltz in the door well rested, because my children didn’t need to get up at Still Dark O’Clock to greet Santa and his Reindeer, and have a glass of wine. I giggle and meet a few new people, listen intently to the family pathology and think, “Oh, this is so familiar.”

I’m the X-Mas Jew. I bring nothing to the table spiritually. I have no traditions nor expectations. If it’s a pot luck I bring whatever is requested of me, no more and no less because I’m unfamiliar with the rules.

I make it a practice to break only the rules I know intimately.

If your day is religious I will bow my head when you do and whisper Amen with a congregation. The incense burnt at Mass smells curiously like that of Havdalah. It’s comforting to know just how close we all are.

X-Mas for the Jew is perfectly delightful as we prance from celebratory tree trimming to duplexes with retro porn and pitbulls. My husband, the children and I land right in the middle of families born and families created, some wacky, others staid, but we are squarely in the middle of traditions that neither repel nor draw us in.

It’s really quite a treat to be the X-Mas Jew.


Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 26, 2008 at 9:29 pm

Feliz Navidad: And Don’t Forget The Prozac

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It’s almost 10 and a little drizzly here in Los Angeles. My coffee is hot and my son sits shivering in front of the new Playstation we gave them for Chanukkah. My daughter and my husband sleep late and in a few moments I’ll wake them and ask them to get out of bed. I wont’ necessarily have something for them to do, but they should be upright with eyes open.

They city is absurdly quiet and I remember just how much I hated living in rural Colorado all those years ago.

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Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 25, 2008 at 10:00 am

Overheard at Chanukkah Last Night

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DAD: So Morgan is telling me you write stuff I’m not supposed to read.

ME: No, you can totally read it, it’s just heavy on the V word

DAD: Huh?

ME: Vagina

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Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 22, 2008 at 9:20 am

Would You Rather?

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Hear about my mother’s latest dog psychic (not to be confused with her first few), the time I tattooed Jane or Stella’s beachfront property in the Rocky Mountains?

In order to appreciate any of these stories fully, you should be open to the use of recreational narcotics. (and I say that without judgement)

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

December 7, 2008 at 12:01 am

The Sound of Celibacy

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Thanksgiving dinner was lovely.

I roasted a turkey, pomegranate gravy with freshly squeezed pomagranite juice, chestnut stuffing, roasted potatoes and scallions, my mom brought cranberry and orange molds along with pie and cookies for dessert.

I made tea for everyone and my darling husband sat in front of the television and said, “Honey, these are the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever eaten, you should ask your mom for the recipe.”

“It’s the tollhouse recipe, I make it all the time.” I explained to him.

“Yeah, whatever your mom does is really great though. I’d love it if you could make me these cookies.” He happily munched his way through a plate of cookies all while watching football, blissfully unaware that he was flirting with death.

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

November 28, 2008 at 12:01 am

Thankgiving: I’m Thankful for Liquid

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Blah blah blah, love my family, Thankful for modern medicine, my dog, my pool, my tennis game… world peace blah blah blah blah.

I’m thankful for dark Mexican espresso in the morning.

I’m thankful for Iced Passion tea with just a splash of lemonade in the afternoon.

I’m thankful for a deep red wine while I prepare dinner and an icy glass of water to enjoy with my food.

The benchmarks of my day? Coffee, tea, wine. Does that make me shallow? Just proves I’m from Los Angeles.

Have a marvelous Thanksgiving.

Written by Jessica Gottlieb

November 27, 2008 at 11:29 am

Shhh It’s a Secret

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I’m packing, we’re outta here.

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Written by Jessica Gottlieb

November 20, 2008 at 2:32 pm